Failure to Launch

I’m twenty six and live with my parents.

I live in India, the land of joint families and snake charmers, so its really not that unusual or strange. But it’s not ideal. Ever since I’ve moved back home after University, I’ve thought a lot about what it means to be an adult? I have a day job, I take a decent amount of responsibility for myself. But I’m not sure how I would do, out there in the big bad world?

Anyhow, almost a year ago I got engaged to my long term boyfriend and now I guess I’m a real adult. I’m moving out of my parents home in 5 months and moving in with him and his family. It’s a strange and scary feeling. I’m really excited to spend my life with him, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to move out and leave my family.

My mother has made my sister and I, the centre of her life and I think I have done the same for her. She’s my closest friend and confidant, she’s my advisory board on life and my inspiration to do better always. More than all of that she’s my pillar of strength and support.I’m not quite sure how I could ever stand to not have that kind of an equation with her? Would things change? Would my priorities change? I’m not sure if they will. Mother and I work out of the same office space, so I know I’ll see her most days of the week. I feel like a five year old with separation anxiety.

Before I actually got engaged, I really wanted to get married and start my own independent life. I think it was part of a narrative I had built for myself, and I didn’t realize the serious life changes I’d have to make. Now with five months to go for the wedding, do I have cold feet? Yes.

But this is life and nothing is constant in life, except change. So I will try to embrace this new change in time and work on establishing new equation with the Mother which are stronger than ever but different?

I’m twenty six and I want to always live with my parents. Sigh.

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